Erin Dahlgren

Five Ways To Throw In The Towel

Your relationship with your partner might not be going well. If this is case, here are a few ways to throw in the towel.

  1. If on the off chance you aren’t a noodle (non-noodles make up approximately 5% of the world’s population), just leave. For the rest of us noodles, this is very hard, so keep reading.

  2. Make a voodoo doll and catch them watching you stab it. You may get reported to the police. On the upside, your partner won’t suffer separation remorse.

  3. Take up a new hobby, ideally one that forces you to be gone for long periods of time, like building a house in the middle of the woods. If you’re lucky, your partner will forget you exist.

  4. If you’re smart, you will already have access to their Amazon Prime account. Never skip a day to buy something useless. This method may result in a lawsuit, but likely you’ll just end up with a bunch of free stuff.

  5. Throw a towel. To avoid this being interpreted as a joke, cackle loudly, throw back your head and lift your hands to the sky. Your newfound insanity will solve all of the remaining problems.

At all times during this process avoid:

  1. Substance abuse. This was going to be the 3rd recommended way to throw in the towel, until I realized that it promoted noodlehood.

  2. Listening to music by Cher.

  3. Being a noodle.

This project is maintained by edahlgren